The Phoenix Must Die

These are turbulent times.
Old and new clashing inside the head.
What was, versus what must be.

I have nowhere to go.
No one to feel my pain, some just talk.
Yet, I try not to complain.

There is confusion.
I have to make a choice soon, this or that.
And that adds to confusion.

I must learn from the past.
Still, must forgo the past for the future.
They are just incompatible.

I love myself so much.
Love my image, my name and all my past.
I think people respect me.

I was what I wanted.
But I want something more, an extra mile.
I'm trying, or I think I do.

I fear I'm losing the plot.
The fear is gripping me, paralyzing me.
What if I fail that name?

It's hard to fake life.
When I'm just surviving under a dark shadow.
Of the Frankenstein of my name.

What's in the name, anyways?
Just a reward from a blind judge.
It can always be rebuilt.

Never say die.
But one way or the other, I see death.
Of my past, or of my future.

I have thought it through.
One of them must be killed, Alas!
One of them must be killed, by me!

Yes, I must kill myself.
For a short-lived glory of perfection.
Or for a rebirth into the future.