Saturday, April 14, 2012

The Phoenix Must Die

These are turbulent times.
Old and new clashing inside the head.
What was, versus what must be.

I have nowhere to go.
No one to feel my pain, some just talk.
Yet, I try not to complain.

There is confusion.
I have to make a choice soon, this or that.
And that adds to confusion.

I must learn from the past.
Still, must forgo the past for the future.
They are just incompatible.

I love myself so much.
Love my image, my name and all my past.
I think people respect me.

I was what I wanted.
But I want something more, an extra mile.
I'm trying, or I think I do.

I fear I'm losing the plot.
The fear is gripping me, paralyzing me.
What if I fail that name?

It's hard to fake life.
When I'm just surviving under a dark shadow.
Of the Frankenstein of my name.

What's in the name, anyways?
Just a reward from a blind judge.
It can always be rebuilt.

Never say die.
But one way or the other, I see death.
Of my past, or of my future.

I have thought it through.
One of them must be killed, Alas!
One of them must be killed, by me!

Yes, I must kill myself.
For a short-lived glory of perfection.
Or for a rebirth into the future.

Monday, April 9, 2012

The Remnants of a REM sleep

We were thirsty. Anil pointed to a house and said, “Let’s go there.” A young lady met us at the house. She looked extremely familiar and in no time I showed the intimacy towards her. She brought out an old vehicle, which looked like a moped given away at a junkyard. The front wheel is intact but the back is battered as if a lorry had hit it. Anil started repairing it so that we can go. I went to talk to her. Then I saw a few people coming towards the house. Couple of them went directly inside. One was drinking water. Another washing his legs under a pump. She moved her eyeballs in the direction of a grossly bearded man, tall enough, sitting on a sofa and said, “That’s my father.” I went to Anil and told him, “That’s her father.”

I came back to my room. It had been a long journey. Man, it’s so sultry in here. Summer in a penthouse! I was reaching for the cupboard when suddenly two men rushed into my room. They were looking at the room and checking its dimensions, discussing among themselves if it’s suitable to them. I was shocked by their entry and discussion. I asked them what were they up to. They came to check out the next room, but it’s locked. So when someone told them that my room was identical, they came in to look. I informed them, “No. My room is larger on this side. The other room is more longer that way.” And then suddenly, the room started to subside on my side. I shouted, “Is it earthquake?” The room stopped at an angle and started to move at a great speed. I crouched and held on to the cupboard walls, not knowing what to do. The building seemed to be collapsing, but my kinetic sense said I was moving horizontally. Confused, I asked, “What’s happening?” They said, “The entire house is moving, as if it had wheels! And it is moving very fast!” I looked out through the window. The building was indeed moving, through the city. Buildings were collapsing on all sides, very fast, as if someone was grinding and spinning them. It was chaotic out there. The entire city got destroyed. All I could see was piles of concrete and steel and cement. Dust everywhere. It’s very hazy too. The speed was unbearable. Why is everything spinning so violently? Then it stuck me. “We are travelling in time”, I shouted at them. 

We arrived at the station, but the train did not slow down. I saw the name of station written in Devanagari and Oriya scripts. I thought, “We might be somewhere in Orissa.” God, what’s happening! Those two were missing and all I could think was of the devil. Then I saw a man entering with a trolley from the other side and all my hopes came back. I am not alone! A woman too followed him. She walked past me. I couldn’t resist but to follow her. Something was dragging me towards her. She’s probably taking me to the next coach. But I was in my room and there is no train nor any coach! She turned back. And there came the devil. 

I woke up perspiring. Where had Anil been to? I grabbed my toothbrush on the chair and went out. And there I saw some white thing, a rocket or a missile or that Discovery space craft falling from sky towards me. It seemed to be in control of itself and it seemed not. Just when I thought it was going to hit me, it maneuvered around me. I wanted to take a pic. I don’t see space ships on my terrace everyday. I tried to click, but something in me stopped. “Dude, not that trigger, you’ll blow up the ship. What are you thinking with a rocket launcher in your hand?” Oh God! I looked at my hand again, it’s only a kitchen lighter, not a rocket launcher. I went inside hurriedly to grab my camera. While coming out, I found that it’s not camera I was holding but Vicks Vaporub. Where the hell is my camera? I went out just when the space craft hit the parapet wall of my house and jumped on to the blue plastic rooms of Howard Public School. With that velocity, both the wall and the school rooms were turned into rubble and dust. It then flied, as if it is in control and as if it is not. I looked at it for some time and then turned back. There I saw a bigger space ship, more like a battle station aground or on the ground, besides the neighboring apartments. It’s making a huge noise. These machines did not seem to be of an alien origin, more like US built. May be they were testing their advanced weaponry and battle strategies and they went disastrously wrong. I went inside my room and looked out through the window. The sky was overcast, full of darker than dark clouds. There’s no sign of rain though. No lightning. No thunders. Just plain dark clouds.

The world outside looked so calm and peaceful when the world inside was destroyed and devastated.

Or is it the other way round?